Chapter 2
Red Mountain
Jacks Perspective
I felt the crackling heat on my face. It felt good too, but slightly to warm. Tickles of sweat stream down my face. The fire crackles over the mountain and licks through the trees. In each half of a second a tree is burned into a burnt skeleton. The fire was so beautiful and interesting. In the center of a flame it would be yellow, then orange and then on the outside, red. It reminded me of many wonderful things. And so I just stood there and watched, with a crooked grin slowly curving up. The boys were screaming and yelling now, and shouting in my direction.
Of course it was a natural disaster. It's so humid here there must be fires all the time. And with the water close the fire couldn't get far.
"Jack! Jack! Jack? What do we do!?" Screamed Simon. His face was full of black dirt and dust. Little gray dust particles collected in the air in the form of a thin tornado. The ashes from the fire burned my eyes and for a fraction of a second I had the slightest sent of oil. The boys continued swaping the fire bed with branches and twigs but all that happened was it grew more bigger.
"Jack?!" Simon screamed.
"Jack!" Ralph was disgust at my reaction. He frowned a bridge.
"Jack!" Piggy wined.
"Shut up, fatty!" I snap at piggy. He thought he was better then everyone else and that's what sent my stomach churning.
"Shut up, all of you!" I screamed, defensively.
Ralph stepped forward and gave me that look-what-you-did-mongrel look. Suddenly a a blue flame burst out at the top of the sharp mountain the way a volcano would.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Blog #2 chpt. 2
Posted by bethany s. at 9:27 PM
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4 comments:
I really really love how you kind of used a the sentences as part of a poem, like The fire crackles over the mountain and licks the trees. It is beautiful, but still explaining what is happening right then. I also love how you showed us his every movement in your writing, i could never do that. In your writing it is like Jack is not worried,like he has zoned everyone, and everything out to focus on the fire. Then all of the sudden everything is hectic, Simon yelling Jack! Jack! Then you snap out of your day dreaming and start paying attention to what is around you. I think that you could add a littl more like how the fire spread and how they lost the little boy, but all in all it was wonderful.
~Haileigh Smith
I like it! It's really interesting! I feel like I'm part of it.
Bethany,
Beautiful, beautiful blog, BUT don't forget to use the vocabulary words :) if you forogt what they were you can check out my DP for examples.
Otherwise, everything sounds fabulous I'm looking forward to reading more
i loved this part "I felt the crackling heat on my face. It felt good too, but slightly to warm. Tickles of sweat stream down my face. The fire crackles over the mountain and licks through the trees. In each half of a second a tree is burned into a burnt skeleton. The fire was so beautiful and interesting." it was so discriptive and once agaln i felt like i was there with jack i thought it was the best discription i have read in a very long time. i cant wait to read the next.
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